35-year-old mother encourages her 5 and 8-year-old daughters to steal toys and clothes from their cousin, sister-in-law bans them from ever coming over to their house again: 'Your daughter has more stuff than all three of my kids combined'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 1, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Everyone has that one family member they don't feel quite right about. It's usually someone who married into the family that you feel like you can't quite trust, even if you have very little evidence to back up this suspicion. I've raised my eyebrows at family members who buy the kids in the family elaborate gifts every time they see them when it's not their birthday or Christmas. There's no reason to be getting an 8-year-old expensive presents year round if you're not their parent or grandparent, and even though there's technically nothing outright wrong with this act, I wouldn't want someone to do it for my kids. You don't want to get them in the habit of expecting such a gesture from just anybody. 

While some familial suspicions are totally unfounded, not all of them are. It's not always a bad idea to follow our instincts and see where they lead us. 

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  • The mom in this story followed her instincts and learned a lot from them. She discovered that her sister-in-law had allowed and encouraged her young daughters to steal toys and clothes from her cousin, and worst of all, she justified it, saying that their cousin has more things than they do.

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    Cheezburger Image 10500701184
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    A bit of background here, I (39F) have a brother (32M) who I'll call Chase. Chase has been with this girl (35F) that I'll call Vivian for almost 2 years now. About a month into their relationship, Vivian got pregnant with my nephew who is now almost a year old. Vivian also has 2 daughters
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Cheezburger Image 10500709376
    via Marcin Jozwiak

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    (5F and 8F) from a previous relationship. Her daughters are very close in age to my daughter (7F) and up until last weekend everyone got along fine. They live in a different state than us but come to visit fairly often and stay with us because we have the extra room.
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Last weekend they came to stay again and about an hour before they left my daughter noticed that a few of her favorite toys were missing. The girls were playing all weekend so I didn't think much of it and offered to help her look for them. After
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 06
    about 20 minutes of searching we could not find the toys anywhere so I asked Vivian's girls if they remembered where they were playing with them last. The girls said no but acted a little guilty about it. I asked Chase and Vivian about it and Chase said he saw the exact toys in the room that Vivian's girls were sleeping in. We
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 07
    went to check and they were not there. He asked Vivian if she had moved them when she packed the girls things that morning and she said they were not there. We went back into the living room and I saw Vivian's girls huddled close together over a backpack and quickly closed it when they saw we were there. Chase asked
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 08
    the girls again if they knew where the toys were and this time they didn't say anything and just looked at their mom. Chase reached for the bag and Vivian lost it. She started yelling at me how dare I accuse her daughters of stealing and she tried to the bag away. Chase opened it
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 09
    and there were the missing toys plus a few more. I was absolutely furious. I told her I wanted to see what else she had and demanded she open the 2 suitcases. She said that was an invasion of her privacy and tried to take them and leave. Chase stopped her and made her open them. She had
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Cheezburger Image 10500708864
    via Cyberbackpack.com

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    taken several tops, a few skirts and dresses, and a brand new pair of Nikes that belonged to my daughter. I took everything back and told her she and her girls were not allowed back into my home. I have since received several texts from her and a few unknown numbers telling me I embarrassed her and upset her girls because they were promised
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    the items. Chase is upset with her but said I was too mean to her in front of everyone and that I could have handled the situation more privately. I do feel awful that her girls left crying but AITHA for how I handled the situation?
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Edited to add: Answers to a few questions I keep getting: I am not sure who "promised" the girls the items, she would not elaborate but I'm assuming it was her. She wanted me to pull her aside into a different room away from Chase and the kids to talk the situation
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    out. Also yes, I'm 99% sure the baby is his, he is almost a carbon copy of my brother when he was a baby. I do not believe the girls knew they were stealing the things, I really believe that their mom told them I said it was ok. We have never had problems with the girls before this, they really seem to be good kids.
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Also, I'll be talking with my brother tonight or tomorrow to discuss things further. Edit #2: I will be speaking with my brother in about an hour. I have been in contact with someone that knows her and a lot has come to light. I will update again if my brother says I can as it's his life and not mine. Vivian is not at all who she claims to be.
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 16
    Intelligent_Menu8004 NTA- You simply recovered legally owned property that was deprived from you. She can still get her kids those items - just not by stealing yours. And they should be embarrassed!
    via u/Intelligent_Menu8004
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    Nowelo NTA - holy sh that is a hot mess. You should not feel bad for their crying but you might talk to your brother about his terrible choice in partners.
    via u/Nowelo
  • 18
    kaylaharper90 OP Our family never really loved her but she has never done anything before this (to my knowledge) that was a major red flag. Unfortunately even if he does leave her he's stuck for another 17 years
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Crazy4Swayze420 Tech has come along way. These co parenting apps are insane. My friends baby momma is a psycho who lived for drama. They got the parenting apps and she did her normal behavior on the app. She lost custody for awhile since those apps are monitored. She claims to have not known that. They have co parented actually decently since she got some rights back. They haven't spoken a word to each other in 10 years. Lawyers handled all the details at first. That said her kids hate her and d
    via u/Crazy4Swayze420
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    kaylaharper90 OP I'll give it a week or so and bring that up. Thank you
    via u/kaylaharper90
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    Crazy4Swayze420 That all hinges on if he actually wants out. I get the trying to run damage control from his end but dude needs to understand staying together for kids is a horrible answer. They know and it does damage. My friend from high school parents divorced after he graduated high school. He threw a party and told them about time.
    via u/Crazy4Swayze420
  • 22
    MarbleousMel Remind everyone complaining to you that she and the girls deserved to be embarrassed. It was theft and they all are old enough to know it, even the 5YO. Any future visits need to happen in public.
    via u/MarbleousMel
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    Aylauria I'd tread carefully. People have a tendency to dig in when others tell them what to do. This woman is clearly either just a thief or has a mental illness. Your brother needs to come to terms with this. She promised her kids they could take your things and then got upset with you bc you called out her theft in front of the kids. That's a serious problem. It's a good thing you did call her out in front of the kids bc someone has to teach them that stealing is wrong, and she sure as sh isn
    via u/Aylauria
  • 24
    Indlml She might be kleptomaniac and is teaching her kids bad habits. So your brother needed to know so that he can teach his son how to be a law abiding citizen before it's too late. Not sure why she thinks you're the bad guy. Perhaps she feels entitled to your things because she doesn't have enough money or doesn't want to spend her own money to clothe her children.. ask her if she expected you to be ok with her behavior and keep buying things for her kids for the rest of their childhood? You
    via u/Indlml
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    mama and theres absolutely no reason for you to let them back into your house once trust is broken. Next time you meet them at some family gathering, make sure your daughter doesn't bring any of her toys and clothes that she might leave somewhere and forget to guard. Stressful. Sad that her kids were terrified. They are not at fault for imitating mom's bad habits but it's good for them to learn early how it feels to get caught.
    via u/Indlml
  • 26
    Vandreeson NTA. She's a thief, and she's teaching her kids to be thieves. She embarrassed herself. Being a thief is bad enough, but stealing from family and children is some low bottom cr_p. Your brother knew something was up. I wonder who else she's stolen from. She promised her kids stolen items? So what? You did nothing wrong. She's embarrassed instead of being ashamed. Forget her.
    via u/Vandreeson
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    Sparklingwine23 NTA, I may not have thought to open the suitcases, I would have thought the girls just stole the toys but the clothes makes it seem like it was Vivian's act, especially if the girls "were promised" them. Who else would promise them? Your Brother, his wife and children/stepchildren shouldn't be invited back. Anyone saying anything to you can host them themselves or stfu.
    via u/Sparklingwine23
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    kaylaharper90 OP I normally wouldn't have thought to check either but the way she grabbed them and tried to leave set off all the warning bells in my head.
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 29
    Thin_Flatworm 1977 So she promised your daughter's clothing, shoes and toys to her children. Steals them, gets caught and you're the bad guy. Nope!
    via u/Thin_Flatworm1977
  • 30
    kaylaharper90 OP In her words "your daughter has more stuff than all three of my kids combined"
    via u/kaylaharper90
  • 31
    Tall-Negotiation6623 NTA but the girls definitely knew they were stealing. Otherwise they would have acknowledged they had the toys when asked and they wouldn't have behaved weird about the backpack. They knew they were doing something wrong. Vivian is teaching her girls to steal and I wouldn't expect this to be the first time. Never let her or the girls into your home again.
    via u/Tall-Negotiation6623
  • 32
    kaylaharper90 OP That is a very good point. Thank you
    via u/kaylaharper90

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family drama stealing toys brother mother siblings bad parenting daughters sister in law suitcase family clothes sister daughter theft children
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